apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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