my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
