that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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