I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
