she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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