i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
