i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
