The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
