Whod you bang
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
