Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
