My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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