she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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