am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
