Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
