he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
