I cockslap morals
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
