remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
