I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
