just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
