A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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