you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
