where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
