First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
