i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
