You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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