i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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