I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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