mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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