If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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