Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
