Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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