so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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