two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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