Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
