Can Purell be used as lube?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
