well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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