So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My penis needs a shock collar
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
