I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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