Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
