are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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