Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
