The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
