She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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