Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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