Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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