Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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