This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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