if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
