is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
