I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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