im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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