Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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