my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
even my farts smell like vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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