he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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