I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
