last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
