sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tell her she can't have a vagina
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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